So much about feeling stuck stems from assumptions we make. We construct models of what it “should” be like, of what I “can’t” do, of what I “should have done”, of what “won’t work”.
None of these are reality. They’re constructs, built from society, expectations and how we think things are supposed to be. A lot of the time these models are helpful. Sometimes they’re not, and they can become the reasons we never do anything differently.
As Srikumar Rao puts it: “The problem isn’t that we have models—models are wonderful, time-saving things that we use. The problem is that we don’t recognize that we have models. We think, ‘This is the way the world works.’ But this is not the way the world works; that’s our model of the way the world works, and the more we believe in the model, the more evidence we get that this, in fact, is the way the world works. And very soon, we put ourselves in a silo which we constructed ourselves.”
If we really questioned our strong views, the “should” and “won’t” and “can’t”, would they stack up as absolute? Or would they turn out to be choices we’d forgotten we were making?
Working in coaching, I hear first-hand what holds people back. It’s complex, and different for everyone. But two barriers come up again and again:
Barrier 1: making a big change will break other things I care about.
Barrier 2: I don’t know how it would turn out.
Both barriers work the same way: they fix your eye on the outcome, which you can’t control, instead of the process, which you can. With both, you’re collecting reasons not to change, rather than accepting the reasons exist and adjusting your approach to shrink the risk. And both ignore a third thing: staying put has consequences too. The risk of inaction just catches up with you later.
Here’s a reframe for each.
Barrier 1: it will break things. Reframe: you don’t have to make the wholesale change.
There can be undesired outcomes from big change. Sometimes they’re temporary, sometimes they’re not, and it is genuinely scary to step from stability, financial security and structure towards the unknown.
But when you’re not sure, you don’t have to make the big wholesale change. This is where the 10% test comes in. How can you do the thing you’re thinking of doing, at 10% of the scale, while everything else stays intact?
It works in so many ways. Thinking about a different career? Try it at 10%: shadow someone, talk to people already in it, take a small taster qualification. Want to use a different skillset? Find some voluntary or part-time work that uses it. Want to start a business? Start it small on the side and find out whether there’s demand, and whether you actually enjoy it.
The 10% test takes the pressure off, and it does something scenario-planning in your head can never do: it replaces assumptions with experience. You learn what the bigger change might really look like, and what it feels like, while the leap stays optional. Almost everything about it is reversible, which is exactly what makes it possible to start.
Barrier 2: I don’t know how it would turn out. Reframe: detach from the outcome, attach to the process.
This one is harder. It’s a mindset shift. But it’s critical to stop deciding what you do now based on an imagined future you’ve promoted to fact.
If you want to try something, it’s true: you don’t know if it will be the right thing, whether you’ll enjoy it, whether it leads anywhere. This is where many people stop, because the outcome isn’t guaranteed to be “worth it”.
But look at what exploring actually produces. Even discovering that something is not for you is a good outcome. That’s how clarity is actually built: not just by finding what you do want, but by finding what you don’t. Every experiment pays out information, whichever way it goes. The only experiment that pays nothing is the one you never run.
If you don’t know, that’s OK. You really don’t need to know. If you knew, you wouldn’t be feeling stuck. Attach to the process, run the small experiment, and let the outcome be something you discover rather than something to fear.
And if the fears themselves are doing the blocking, a Fear Inventory will sort them into the ones to ignore and the ones to plan for. If you’d rather design your own 10% test out loud with someone, that’s a very good use of a Clarity Creator session: 90 minutes, one focused experiment to leave with.
