Decisions, decisions. So many.
Easier to coast along and not make one? That’s still a decision.
Unhelpful really, isn’t it.
What if decision making could be easier? It could be. Know your values.
Values?
Yes, values. The things you cannot see but that you will feel every day, in some shape or form. They’re intrinsic to you: powerful drivers that underpin the way you behave, the reasons behind your actions and reactions, the inner sense-check behind your decisions and choices.
And here’s the part I’ve come to think matters most, from years of watching people navigate change: values are powerful but not permanent. They change over time as we grow. They can get stronger, weaker, or disappear altogether. New ones emerge. Old ones reappear.
The life you’ve built, though, doesn’t update itself to match. You chose your career with the values you had then: achievement, maybe, or proving yourself, or pace. If what matters at your core has since moved on (autonomy, say, or contribution, or depth), the career can carry on being objectively good while stopping feeling ‘right’. Nothing dramatic has gone wrong, which is exactly why it’s so hard to name. Something no longer fits, and a values check is very often where you find out what.
How values play out in real life
If something aligns with your values, it can feel simple and easy. It makes sense. If it doesn’t align, you feel conflict and resistance, sometimes without being able to say why. Values are usually in play behind:
- Inner conflict when facing a decision
- Something (you don’t know what) that stops you
- People you just can’t get on with, and people you love getting on with
- Choices you find surprisingly easy
- Feeling affected by something without knowing why
We are all, always, driven by something. Values are always at play.
How to find your values
Search online for a list of values, then:
- Circle every value that’s important to you, reduce to a list of 15
- Narrow to your top 5 (combining any that feel similar)
- Put the top 5 in priority order
- Check how the list sits with you. Any uncertainty or discomfort, repeat until it feels accurate
A health warning: this looks like a simple exercise, but it only works if you’re completely honest with yourself about what’s really important to you. Not what you want to be important. Not what you aspire to or try to convince yourself of. And don’t underestimate yourself either.
5. Then the step most lists leave out. Take each of your top five and ask three questions of it:
- Where is this value currently met in my life?
- Where is it currently frustrated?
- And am I over-relying on it anywhere: an old value still running the show out of habit?
Interrogating values is a really important step I integrate into transitions coaching. A value that was met by your work five years ago and is frustrated by it now explains a lot of otherwise mysterious dissatisfaction. And an old value still making your decisions (proving yourself, long after there’s anyone left to prove it to?) explains a lot of otherwise mysterious choices.
What values will and won’t do for you
Once you know your values, you’ll start to see them at work in your decisions. Is there conflict between a difficult decision you’re facing and what actually matters to you? If you look at your life now and the direction it’s pointing, does it make sense against your values, your values now?
One honest caveat: values inform decisions; they don’t make hard trade-offs disappear. Two things you genuinely value can still pull against each other (stability and adventure have been fighting it out in people since forever). Knowing your values won’t dissolve that tension. It will tell you what the tension is actually made of, which is most of the way to handling it well.
Have a go and see how you get on. And if the exercise raises more than it settles (it does that, usefully), a Clarity Creator session is a good place to read the results with someone: 90 minutes to work out what your values are telling you about the decision in front of you.
