When you’re circling a change, the fears usually get there first.
Long before you’ve worked out what you actually want, some part of you has already drafted the case against it. It’s usually quite fluent. Does any of this sound familiar?
It’s too difficult because…
It’s too risky because…
It’s impossible because…
If only… then…
I can’t…
I shouldn’t…
It will never…
You see where I’m going with this.
Don’t be hard on yourself if you recognise yourself here. I hear sentences like these in coaching all the time, often from capable, experienced people who don’t notice they’re saying them. And the change in question isn’t always what you might think, or anything you can articulate just yet: just a growing sense that something no longer quite fits.
Here’s the thing about those fears: they are not all the same. Some are noise. Some are old stories you’ve outgrown. And some contain genuinely useful information about what you’d need to put in place before you can move forward. The trouble is that while they all stay swirling around your head together, you can’t tell which is which.
So, an exercise. The Fear Inventory (credit where it’s due: Mel Johnson, The Stork and I). It’s simple and effective, and if you’re feeling stuck and want to do something about it, you can start right here.
Step 1: name every fear
Write down all the fears and beliefs you have about making a change to your current situation. That could be about your current job or career, a life change you’re considering, or a particular situation you’re in.
Some examples:
I’m worried about how I will pay the mortgage if I quit my job.
I’m scared I will let down the people around me if I leave a career they recognise and value.
What if I go for the bigger role and can’t do it?
What if I retrain and it doesn’t work out?
I don’t know what I would do instead.
I fear I will make the wrong decision.
Be honest with yourself. Take some quiet time, don’t use any filter and don’t downplay anything: take the fears as they come and list them all. Take stock of the whole inventory of your fears, worries and uncertainties.
Step 2: go through them, one by one
Work through each fear and pick one of three options for it:
Abandon: choose to let go of this fear entirely.
e.g. What if it doesn’t work out? → This is unhelpful and holding me back. I want to let it go, and recognise that it’s up to me to work out what would make me feel more secure in any change I decide to make.
Alternative: rephrase or reframe the fear.
e.g. I fear I will make the wrong decision → I will make a change when I reach the point of being able to decide with confidence and conviction.
Action: take action on the fear.
e.g. I’m worried about how I will pay the mortgage if I quit → I need £x in savings before I go / I need a conversation with my partner about what we could carry financially / any alternative option needs a base salary of £x.
A note on that third category. Some fears don’t want reframing; they want respecting. “I’m worried about money” is not a limiting belief if you have a mortgage: it’s a planning requirement. The action column is where a frightening leap turns into a series of smaller, less frightening steps: a number to save towards, a conversation to have, a way to test the idea while you still have a salary. The fear doesn’t need talking away, but it does give you a direction to move in and something to do about it.
(This was true of my own change, which took three years, and a good stretch of that was fears doing laps. Read that story here.)
Step 3: reflect
How did it go? Have a look back over the whole inventory and ask yourself:
What stands out to you?
What have you learned?
What has surprised you?
What are your new insights?
What does this mean for how you might move forward? What could you do next?
Most people finish with fewer real fears than they started with, and a much clearer view of the two or three that deserve proper attention. That alone changes how a decision feels: less like one enormous leap, more like a set of things to work through in your own time.
And if what’s left is the harder kind of fear, the kind tangled up with what you actually want, that’s worth thinking through out loud with someone. A single Clarity Creator session is a focused 90 minutes for exactly that: you bring the inventory, we work out what sits underneath it.
